Report - J.D. Penny Shield. Queen’s. Sat 28th March.
The 2026 season truly announced itself today with a weather forecast that can only be described as "The Full Scottish." Competitors were treated to a chaotic rotation of rain, sleet, and hail, punctuated by bursts of chilly sunshine that did little to warm the bones. Hand warmers and multiple layers were the uniform of the day as the field battled for the most cumbersome trophy in golf: the J.D. Penny Shield.
The Thoroughbred Bolts
From the early starters, Billy Z McNeill set a benchmark that left the rest of the field shivering in his wake. Carding a magnificent net 63, Billy’s round was highlighted by a superb eagle on the 15th. In a display of "let’s not get bogged down with the details" sportsmanship, he followed that eagle with a double-bogey on 16 and a triple on 17—presumably just to keep the victory margin "comfortable" rather than "humiliating" for the rest of us. This thoroughbred is clearly ready to be given his head; anyone drawn against Billy Z in the upcoming summer matchplays should consider themselves officially warned.
Drives, Dramas, and Disasters
The morning began peacefully for Mr. Eric Lambert, who thankfully wasn't required to provide an impromptu roadside seminar on the Highway Code to any hapless drivers on the A9 today. With his road-rage in check, he focused his energy on a spectacular opening drive on the 1st, eventually carding a solid net 71.
Meanwhile, Dr. Jonny Dickson proved that every superhero needs the right gear. While Batman has his cowl, Jonny has his trusty bucket hat. Once donned, he transformed into a Tour veteran, sinking a monster 40-footer for birdie on the 13th and nearly acing the 17th. His finish was nothing short of elite, playing the final six holes in a blistering 3-under gross to secure a net 67.
At the other end of the spectrum, the 1st hole proved a bridge too far for Kevin Beattie and David Watt. It reportedly took both gentlemen two mighty blows each just to reach the first bunker on the opening hole. Runner-up Iain Aitchison (net 66) was seen in the clubhouse afterwards, struggling—and failing—to hide his absolute glee while recounting the incident.
Captain’s Woes and Correspondent’s Glory
It was a day to forget for Captain Daley Smith. His scorecard was haunted not by one "snowman" on the 1st, but a second on the 7th, followed by two demoralizing "blobs" on 15 and 17. We offer our sincerest condolences to the Captain during this difficult time.
As for your humble correspondent, the highlights were plentiful. After outdriving the Club Champion, Mr. Logie, earlier in the season, it was the turn of big hitters Messrs Moran and Higham to fall victim to my superior length off the tee at the 10th. While those two will undoubtedly try to "flummox" you with tales of how they both made birdies on that hole, I simply remind them of the old adage: "Drive for show... something, something, something." It’s all about the show, gentlemen. No one likes a sore loser!
Speaking of Mr. Higham, his tactical insight on the 8th was truly inspirational: take an iron, hug the left (near the new bell), embrace the hanging lie for side-spin, and sink the birdie. A masterclass in strategy—though perhaps slightly undermined by his TEN on the 6th hole, where he famously carved two drives over the road into the neighboring parish.
Final Standings & Housekeeping
A massive congratulations again to our champion, Billy Z McNeill, for a truly remarkable victory in testing conditions.
Important Reminders:
Summer Matchplay Entry: Still open on the app! Entries close strictly on March 31st.
Foursomes: If you don't have a partner, don't worry—one will be provided for you.
The "Billy Z" Clause: For those terrified of drawing our new champion in the first round, please note that all "avoidance bribes" should be made payable to the 'Iain & Taz's Happy Fund'.
Well played to all who braved the elements!
Mr Marshall, as sponsored by Temu.
Mr Lambert, truly focussed.
The Beattie Watt bunker on the left.