Premier League Justice, Sight Miracles, and Sand Traps: The Queen’s Delivers Again
A stiff, whistling Perthshire gale greeted the Dun Whinny membership on Saturday morning over the Queen’s Course, providing conditions every bit as blustery as the past few weekends. But while James Braid’s heathland layout tested nerve and club selection from the white tees, the sheer human theatre unfolding across the property ensured nobody paid much mind to the wind.
This correspondent had the distinct pleasure of being drawn in the lead group alongside two undisputed titans of the long game, Mr Jon Cooper and Past Club Champion Mr David Logie. Stepping onto the first tee, Mr Cooper solemnly pledged "not to mention the football," a polite nod to the breaking sporting news that this correspondent’s beloved Manchester City had reportedly been found guilty of 114 out of 115 Premier League financial charges.
That noble vow of silence lasted precisely as long as the second bunker on the 1st hole.
Finding the left hand rough, Mr Cooper—a passionate Evertonian who still smarts over the Toffees' six-point deduction for a single breach—unleashed a verbal torrent regarding financial fair play, enthusiastically advocating that City be promptly demoted to the National League North. This impassioned monologue continued without interruption until the 6th green, at which point Cooper evidently exhausted his legal arguments and remembered he was playing golf. Turning his fury into pure artistry, he chipped in for a magical birdie on the 7th and promptly tacked on two more birdies down the stretch, assembling a glittering 38 Stableford points to claim outright victory. Hearty congratulations to Jon Cooper on mastering both the Queen’s and the Premier League rulebook.
David Logie’s round was a proper journey between the ridiculous and the sublime. On the 7th, he matched this correspondent by visiting the first bunker, followed immediately by chunking his drive on the 8th directly into the sand. Yet true class is permanent: Logie dusted himself down and produced the shot of the day on the 15th, rolling in an exquisite eagle to reminding everyone why he has his name on the club honours board.
For my own part, the scorecard was mercifully devoid of last week's cricket figures, although the birdie well ran completely dry. However, the moral victory of the weekend belonged squarely to this correspondent on the 16th tee. Stepping up with driver, I striped one straight down the fairway, comfortably past both Cooper and Logie. It matters not one jot that Mr Cooper opted for a 2-iron off the tee—in the official records of banter, I outdrove him!
Directly behind us in the second match, Andy Lothian’s opening drive settled an agonizing four inches out of bounds, while his playing partners Michael Collier and Thomas McCulloch found the short grass. Naturally, in true Dun Whinny fashion, Lothian had the last laugh by grinding out the solitary Stableford point of the trio on the 1st hole.
Earlier in the morning, Billy Z McNeill had joined this correspondent for breakfast, practically floating on air. Billy Z rejoiced in the revelation that, having recently had his eyes medically sorted, he can finally see where his golf ball goes. An enormous collective sigh of relief was heard echoing from his regular playing partners across the clubhouse. Even with upgraded 20/20 vision, however, Billy thought he was seeing double on the 17th when his tee shot trickled down the green and came to rest directly perched on top of another ball.
Over in Aidan O'Carroll’s group, a brand-new golfing term was officially inducted into the club lexicon: "The Brucey". Named in honour of David Bruce, who produced a masterclass in agonizing near-misses by leaving putts on twelve separate holes literally hanging on the lip just inches short. Captain Aidan, mind you, was in no position to offer putting sympathy. Standing just short of the 18th green, Aidan boldly elected to pull out the flatstick to secure an up-and-down, only to send his putt trundling directly into the greenside bunker, signing off with a rueful double bogey.
Ken Marshall endured his own putting purgatory, struggling to get his first putt inside six feet all morning. Fortunately, Ken proved lethal with the return effort, unfailingly burying the six-footers to salvage 32 points, alongside nearly recording an ace on the 13th. Past Captain Frank Johnson sought to emulate Ken's winning formula from the Autumn Meeting by starting his day with a 7 on the 1st; alas for Frank, it appears only Ken Marshall holds the mathematical copyright on winning trophies after carding a 7 at the opener.
Back in the warmth of the Dormy afterwards, Kevin Dickson held court, regaling the room with his acrobatic exploits from the King’s Course the previous weekend. Descending the steep slope right of the 13th, the front wheel of Kevin's trolley disappeared down a rabbit hole, catapulting him clean over the handlebars in a spectacular somersault. Demonstrating the agility of a seasoned gymnast, Kevin leaped to his feet in a flash, checking frantically in all directions to ensure neither playing partner had witnessed his sudden foray into Olympic floor gymnastics.
The crowning moment of the afternoon, however, took place away from the scorecards. The entire room erupted with warmth and genuine joy to welcome Dr Jonny Dickson back into the clubhouse following his recent medical ordeal—what Jonny wryly referred to as a "two-for-one special offer" of a stroke and a heart attack simultaneously. Newly crowned Summer Foursomes Champion Allister Wallace had spent the morning coaching and supporting Jonny over at the academy, after which the pair joined the membership for coffee. To see Jonny back on his feet, smiling and reconnecting with the club, was the highlight of the weekend.
Our thoughts, prayers, and warmest wishes remain with Dr Jonny and all fellow Dun Whinny members currently navigating health challenges. We wish everyone a full and swift recovery, and we cannot wait to see you back out on the tee.
Attention now turns to next weekend, where the season reaches another crescendo with the Medal Finals over the King’s Course. Sharpen your irons, gentlemen—the King's awaits!
Taz
